The Christ in Christmas

It’s that time of year. Plastic trees have been woken from their hibernation and given pride of place in the living room. Millions of pigs have been slaughtered and their rear ends cured into a delicious hams, and we’re sharpening the blades for the turkey’s neck. Consumerism reaches fever pitch as millions attempt to decipher their children’s opaque desires, often resorting to cheap trinkets made by slaves in China, most of which will not last until the new year. Houses are decorated in kitsch caricatures of our favourite Christmas icons – Santa, reindeers (complete with glowing noses), elves, and a frozen plastic Jesus surrounded by uncanny valley faces leering spookily down at the King sized bed.

Yes, it’s Christmas.

During this time many will be saying “good will to all men”, and it seems many Christians aree asking “do atheists celebrate Christmas?” One wonders why they are not asking the same question of Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, and Scientologists. The simple answer to the inane question is, of course, “yes”.

While I may not believe in a magical man who keeps a diary of everyone who is naughty and nice, and who will perform extraordinary feats to simultaneously reward and punish everyone on the planet, I nevertheless welcome paid time off in the middle of summer to enjoy a break with family and friends.

Awkwardly, the founders of the winter traditions that seem to surround Christmas seemed totally unaware that the Earth is spheroidal in shape, so of us in the Southern hemisphere scorch in the summer sun as we decorate our houses with icicles, evergreen trees, spray the windows with fake snow out of a can, and stuff ourselves hot roast meals while songs about a “white Christmas” gently waft across the room. It’s all rather silly.

Of course Christians will complain that the true meaning of Christmas has been lost – after all the day is named after their saviour – CHRISTmas. While this may be somewhat true, it is a well known fact among the educated that early Christians hijacked pagan traditions to make their faith more palatable to the foreigners.

In the modern world we don’t celebrate the Christ in Christmas anymore than the gods which reside in our calendar. Monday was reserved for the moon, Tuesday is Tiu’s day (the English/Germanic god of war and the sky), Wednesday is Woden’s day, Thursday is Thor’s day (the Norse god of thunder), Friday -is Freya’s day (the Teutonic goddess of love, beauty, and prolific procreation), Saturday is Saturn’s day (the Roman and Italic god of agriculture and the consort of Ops), and finally Sunday is the Sun’s day.  Of course, nobody worships these god’s anymore, but the name remains.

But surely Christians can find solace in the names given to the months?  Perhaps some of these are named after the Jesus myth, or don’t give the ancient Greek or Roman gods a nod?

Nope, I am afraid not.

January is Janus’s month (the Roman god of gates and doorways), February is month of Februa (the Roman festival of purification), March is named after the Roman god of war “Mars”, April is Aphrodite’s month (the Greek goddess of love and beauty), May is Maia’s month (the Italic goddess of spring, the daughter of Faunus, and wife of Vulcan), June is Juno’s month (the principle goddess of the Roman Pantheon), July is Julius Caesar’s month (who named it after himself), August is Augustus Caesar’s month, and the remainder are simply named after their original position on the calendar culminating in the tenth month of December.  I doubt many people celebrate any of these gods either, so the Christian argument is not looking very good.

So yeah, I celebrate Christmas, but not the Christ in Christmas. I enjoy spending paid time off to be with friends and family. We eat too much, drink too much, and laugh too much. We share the summer sun drinking white wine in the sun.

So Merry Christmas to you all, or Happy Hanukkah, or Happy Holidays. Whatever floats your boat. I your next complete orbit around the massive fusion reactor at the centre of our solar system is even better than the last.  I am off to the beach, where I intend to spend a wonderful summer with my wife and lovely daughters.  I think a few white wines might be in order.

Tagged with: Christmas, Meaning, Months, Names, Weekdays

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